if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
