O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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