so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
