rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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