Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
