sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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