I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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