Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
