he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Randomize
