just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
