I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
