You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
