community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
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my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
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As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sext me about skeletons
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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