if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
