I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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