Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
