We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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