david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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