Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
