I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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