I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
