so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize