i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
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There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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