why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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