Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
