You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
