Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i dont even know how to be here
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i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
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I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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