I cannot find my penis.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
