I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
