You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
