Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
