I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
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you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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