Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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