Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
