i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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