I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
