Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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