walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
