If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
