my mouth tastes like poor choices
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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