dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
