My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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