did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
