haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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