I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I wannas sexs uuuuu
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
