when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
