Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
