so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
