Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
