K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
