5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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