i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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