You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
