at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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