I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
