You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
