new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
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keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
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I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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