Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize