Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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