I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
