I am full of burrito and curiosity
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
