i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
