guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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