i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
