hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
