guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
