I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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