my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
