the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
