i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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