she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
