I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
