and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
