If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
