Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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