i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
