this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
