Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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