there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
