i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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