Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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