You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
