they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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