How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
