you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
