you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
