He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
