you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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